11:30 a.m. A woman on Arbor Acres Road, Springdale, reported her daughter and her daughter’s husband arguing.
8:38 a.m. A woman on West Osage Bend reported her ex-husband threatened to beat her face in.
Beat her face in? Is that technical cop talk?
6:42 p.m. A woman on South Morningside Drive reported three men in a parking lot threatening to shoot her, her brother, his wife and a friend.
Damn girl, what'd you do??
8:56 p.m. A man at 3485 W. Wedington Drive reported a set of golf clubs taken.
It was Tommy Tommerson!
10: 18 a.m. A man on Martens Drive reported his 17-year-old daughter breaking into the residence through a back window.
She just needs her Trojans, Dad. Gaw, don't freak out.
11:08 a.m. A woman at Take 2 Video, 2111 S. Old Missouri Road, reported an identity theft.
Doesn't Take 2 Video have the Couples Corner? You know…the COUPLES CORNER. *wink*
3:42 p.m. A caller at Tyson Foods, Inc., 600 Berry St., reported a theft.
Ralph, you keep a sharp eye on the chicken liver thief. He's EVERYWHERE.
5:40 p.m. A caller at the Water & Sewer Department, 526 Oak Ave., reported a theft.
What'd they steal? Nevermind.