Bushisms

As much as we're going to miss George W. Bush when he leaves office January 20th, we're going to miss his misuse of the English language and the SNL skits of his fumblings even more. Here are a few "Bushisms" to keep you warm.

"I'm conservative, but I'm not a nut about it."

"As Luce reminded me, he said, without data, without facts, without information, the discussions about public education mean that a person is just another opinion." - September 9, 2003

"We are ready for any unforeseen event which may or may not happen."

"There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again." - September 17, 2002

"I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children."

"A lame duck session, for people who don't know what that means, it means the Senate is coming and the House is coming back between now and Christmas and they've got a few days to get some big things done." - November 7, 2002

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose, "You disarm, or we will." - October 5, 2002

"Whether or not it needed to happen, I'm still convinced it needed to happen." [explaining why he sent U.S. troops into Iraq] - December 12, 2005

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."

"Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their, their love with women all across this country."

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."

"If you find a neighbor in need, you're responsible for serving that neighbor in need, you're responsible for loving a neighbor just like you'd like to love yourself." - November 16, 2002

"We cannot let terrorists hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."

"I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." - September 21, 2003

"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?"

"The administration I'll bring is a group of men and women who are focused on what's best for America, honest men and women, decent men and women, women who will see service to our country as a great privilege and who will not stain the house."

"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before."

Tuck Fexas: Part Deux

I went to the DMV again today, birth certificate in hand. I was on a mission. Upon arrival, I stood in the same line as the rest of the other people that had better things to do than stand in that line. I get to the front, finally, and the woman asks me, "Do you have your birth certificate?"

"Yes!", I said triumphantly.

She gathered all my paperwork then stopped short. "What's the matter?", I said, feeling my cheeks flush. She said, "Your Arkansas license expired on Monday." I said "Ok, that was only day before yesterday and you were closed yesterday. Is there a penalty for it being expired? I can pay it if there is." She said, "No, there's no penalty, but you're going to have to take the WRITTEN AND DRIVING EXAM. Here is a list of offices that you can call and get an appointment with to take the tests. Oh, and here's a manual. Study, study. NEXT."

Stunned doesn't begin to describe what I was feeling. I wanted to choke a bitch, but I maintained. I stared at her blankly. My voice left me. I took the paperwork and staggered out of the office in a haze of bewilderment. Did she just tell me that I have to take a driving test? For real?

I come to as I'm walking back to my office and getting thoroughly pissed off that I have to take a driving test because my license expired 2 days ago. I haven't taken a driving test in 13 years. Frick.

I can fix this.

I get online when I get back to my office. Ah ha! I can get my Arkansas license renewed when I go to Dad's for Thanksgiving. I'll have to pay a small penalty, but that's ok, totally worth not having to take a driving test. I called the Nashville area motor vehicle office. Closed the day after Thanksgiving. Well, I'll just take the Wednesday off before Thanksgiving and get it done. No big deal.

I keep scrolling through their website. Bingo. If you work/go to school out of state, you can renew your Arkansas license BY MAIL. YES! I email the director of the "by mail" department. I was totally honest and said my license expired 2 days ago, I worked in Texas and I didn't know when I would be back in Arkansas. She said I could do it by mail. She FedEx'ing me a packet to my office to fill out and send back. All she needs is a $20 check and a vision card filled out by a physician (hello, Wal-Mart vision center). Two-day turn around.

Eat it, Texas.

Tuck Fexas

I set out to get my Texas driver's license today. I decided to schlep the 4 and a half blocks from my office to the City of Dallas building. It was a lovely afternoon for a walk, but my feet began to hurt about Neimen Marcus in my unforgiving heels on the Ervay Street sidewalks. I made it though. I'm a trooper.

Upon arrival, I stood in line for about 15 minutes, all the while looking around for any postings that list the requirements to obtain a driver's license in the Lone Star State. There were none. Surprise. However, I thought I was safe with nearly 10 pieces of identification tucked in my "Texas Driver's License" file folder (shut up). I had with me the following documents as proof of my identity (Plus, I'm a white girl with pasty white skin and a Southern accent. Seriously, I'm from here):

Arkansas driver's license
Social Security card
Marriage License
Decree of Divorce
Student ID from UA and JBU
Military Dependent ID (obselete, but it still had my name, photo, DOB and SSN on it)
Texas Vehicle Registration (obtained yesterday without incident)
Texas Voter ID Card (obtained months ago without incident)
Proof of Insurance

Unimpressed with my organization, the driver's license overseer looked at me and said, "I'm going to need your birth certificate or passport to process this request." I looked like a deer in headlights. I said, "But I have all of these documents. Surely a combination of all these will be sufficient. Look, I have a valid out-of-state driver's license and a military ID!"

Passively, she said, "I'm going to need your birth certificate or passport to process this request. NEXT."

Texas.

THE TIME FOR CHANGE HAS COME

President-Elect Barack Obama

Thoughts on turning 29...

I am coming to grips with the reality that in about a week I will observe the last birthday of my twenties. What do I have to say about this? Bring.....it.....on. I'm ready for the next step. Those good genes that were passed down to me have helped me hang on to my youthful features. I, of course, have a few gray hairs and I can see the early stages of crow's feet. They are something to be endured. And, as Truvy would say, "Honey, time marches on, and sooner or later you'll realize it's marching across your face."

But, with age comes wisdom. I have learned a great deal during my twenties....

1. My parents are not clueless.
2. I'd rather learn things the hard way.
3. I prefer living alone.
4. The real world has its perks.
5. I love passionately and with my whole heart.
6. It's easy to become cynical, I must fight the urge.
7. I'm glad I paid attention in class.
8. I wish everyone could have a parent like my Daddy.
9. I'm loyal.
10. I'm exceptionally stubborn.
11. Beer is an acquired taste.
12. So is coffee.
13. I love them both.
14. I can count on a handful of people to be there forever.
15. I'm liberal.
16. I'm pro-choice.
17. I do not want to be rich.
18. Marriage is not the obvious next step.
19. My moral compass is almost always pointed north.
20. Politics intrigue me endlessly.
21. I could live off of Starbucks.
22. Few things are more beautiful than seeing a great artist's original work.
23. I want to be a mother.
24. I love my job and I'm good at it.
25. I'm a sucker for nineteenth century English literature.
26. I'm an impatient driver.
27. I despise going to bed angry.
28. I loathe techno and speed metal.
29. I'm addicted to NPR.